Training for Your True Potential is Training For Life

Many of us so-called age-group athletes have big dreams while we are navigating somewhat normal lives with work, family and other commitments. For my athletes, and myself, training for our true potential equals training for life's other venues as well. Learnings from sports can be applied to how to raise a family, how to do business, and how to improve in any endeavour.

I often have a conversation with my athletes who tell me how they are applying the learning from sports, like taking small steps, setting achievable goals, celebrating milestones and being consistent and how that has affected them in their business or family lives.

I've always believed sports can act as a practice field in life. Kids who are active in sports become tomorrow's leaders. It is well established that through sports kids learn social skills, goal setting and fair play to name just a few benefits of being active.

Sometimes we, as adults forget how important being active, is in our lives as well, and our bodies become merely transportation units for our heads.

We forget to have fun that involves our bodies and doesn't include alcohol.

And sometimes we forget that yes, we as adults have every right to have freaking kick-ass time while doing sports! Having fun is not solely reserved for kids. I had forgotten how much fun it is to do things you don't normally do. You know, those new challenging things, like signing up for a 5K race. To feel the butterflies as you walk to the race venue.

Soon you'll notice how your challenges are becoming bigger and more scarier. 5Ks turn into 10K , then half marathon, marathon, open water swimming, road cycle race with bunch of semi-professional chicks and you are scared to death to make a mistake in the peloton.

You know, those things that scare you shitless, but you want to do them anyway.

Sooooo much fun!

It is totally ok to spend the weekend's early morning hours on our bikes with a bunch of other dudes and chicks in their colourful lycra suits. In fact, that is preferable! Or maybe you are an introvert and rather bike all by yourself. And that is totally fine as well.

A Stay-At-Home Mom And Having The Time Of My Life

Is that a bit problematic Headline? When did it become socially acceptable to follow one's dreams while staying at home with a wild bunch of kids? Is it a problem to publicly declare that I am living the dream and NOT following my career dreams?

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a coach and helping others follow their dreams. But let's be honest, I could not keep our family's financial boat floating. I am happy to help a handful of athletes and it is important to me to do an excellent job at that.

Let's get back to the topic of womanhood, career, and raising a family.

Although I made the difficult choice of staying at home with my three children and "letting go" of my career, it was a very clear-cut choice. I grew up in a family in the 80s and 90s where both parents worked, sometimes around the clock to make the ends meet. My sister and I spent a lot of time alone. We had to learn to take care of ourselves from a very early age. I moved out when I was 15 years old, and expatriated to Norway at 20.

Needing to become very independent at a young age, the learning curve was steep, but I would not have changed a thing. However, when it was time to start a family, I made a very clear choice of staying at home with my kids and being present in their lives. I don't know whether they are better or worse off because I have been there in their lives every single day, but at least I feel good about my decision.

I am not saying that it was an easy decision as I always wanted to study sports more, aiming at Ph.D. So for a while, I felt intense guilt for letting it go and focusing on these little people. I am also not saying choosing anything else would be wrong. We do what we see is best for us.

Being a stay-at-home mom has been my primary role since 2010, while we have travelled and lived around the world. It has forced me to find creative solutions to finding time to exercise and ways of exercise.

I have put a lot of thought and my expertise is in the area of women in sports, even before I became a mom. In the 2000s I was co-founder of a Norwegian Snowboarding project with the goal to increase women's participation in snowboarding across the board in different roles in snowboarding. The Powder Puff Girls was a huge success and I was invited to start a similar project for the World Snowboarding Federation.

Promoting Women's sports is a very dear subject for me, as a mother to a young daughter and as a fellow mom to other women, especially after starting a family. And this is where Tired Mom Runs comes in.

I Am Tired Mom Who Runs

I aspire to inspire mothers to take charge of their lives and GO FOR their dreams as their lives depended on them.

We have a long list of to-dos, little humans and/or fur babies to take care of, husband's needs, social life, work, aging parents, housework, cooking, laundry (don't even get me started there...). There is simply not enough time to put self-care on the list. Unless you make some very drastic changes in your own mindset.

I know my life depended on me to change my mindset. Now I hope to change lives by sharing my personal story and expertise through Tired Mom Runs.

The mental, physiological and physical changes that happen during pregnancy and after giving birth, can feel really overwhelming to many. It sure did for me. I did not really understand how important it was to take better care of myself.

I went into motherhood with my usual stamina and sky-high ambitions and expectations. I was going to be the best mom. Ever.

There was not taking it easy. Boom, boom, boom! Three kids in a row while moving internationally not only once, twice but four times in between 2010-2014. Then again 2016 and 2018. Moving has been a constant factor.

I have always been at minimum a semi-active athlete.

But then after my second baby, I could not run anymore. I became a tired mom who did not run. At all.

When I did not run for almost three years, at a time when there were so many changes in my life, it left a deep mark on my soul.

It was eating me up.

I was cranky, unhappy, short-tempered and a pessimist. Frankly, I become a mom, wife, friend, sister and woman I did not want to be.

You're Always Going to Stay At the Rock Bottom if You Always Put Yourself Last

Growing up, I loved Cross Country skiing. I dreamt of Olympic Games in Salt Lake City in 2002. It was my goal to take Gold. I wanted to be the best in the world. This dream never materialized as I suffered from a back injury that ended my career. Honestly, knowing what I know now about injuries, it did not have to end my promising career in skiing. Admit, I've carried a certain sorrow and chip on my shoulder ever since.

So when we started "doing the ex-pat thing" together in 2008 and heading to tropical countries, I needed to find a new mode for my passion for sports. Back in 2010, while living in Rio de Janeiro, I saw a group of triathletes swim in Leblon followed by an intense run along the beach. While I was severely sleep-deprived having just had a baby and walking to keep myself awake, I thought that looked so much fun I made a promise to myself to try a tri one day.

Well, it took me until 2015 and three kids later that I finally did try a tri. It was balm 9 degrees C and typically windy morning in St. John's Newfoundland, Canada. I had no idea what I was doing.

All I knew I was having the time of my life.

Ever since I've been obsessed.

Having three kids in 3.5 years and raising them sometimes mostly alone as hubby travelled a lot was not an easy feat. I was severely burned out, sleep-deprived, injured and depressed. My body was changed, it didn't feel like mine anymore, and let's not even talk about my mental health! The demand for my attention, time and energy was over the top! Self-care was yet another thing to do and I had no energy to do it.

I was at rock bottom and the only way out was to put myself first. Running saved my life and to this day provides me with the elevation of mood I periodically need and crave.

As I still to this day put my family first, I have learned to put myself first as well. This means that I take pride in taking care of my dreams, aspirations, goals and mental health. Everything else CAN wait. I will get to the dirty dishes later. Plus, the very capable hands of the present husband are worth gold!

I am telling you this because I want you to know my story, as it is reflected in my services. When I try to learn what your life looks like, I want to know if you are swamped at work, building MTB trails in your spare time for hours or volunteering at your kids' school. Because training for an event is rarely the only thing you are doing as a weekend warrior.

It Is OK To Have Fun As an Adult

Most of us compete not against other athletes, but ourselves. I believe that instead of our physical abilities, it is the mental stamina, and strength that limits what we can do. It is our self-talk, the little gremlin in your head and whether you listen to him/her that limits your success.

I was carrying a story with me that was standing in my way until I learned to strip the mental barriers I had harnessed for decades.

I felt guilty taking time for myself and hurried home to the little ones from the gym. I felt guilty wanting to do races and leaving the kids with their dad for a few hours. I felt guilty for being tired after training. I felt guilty dreaming about becoming the best I could be. I felt guilty about wanting to race against other women in my age group and qualify for the World Championships in Ironman long-distance triathlon.

Then something changed. I started to question the Gremlin in my head. I asked why am I feeling guilty? Who says I can't have fun while pursuing the dream? Why can't a 40+-year-old mom of three pursue to become the best she can be? Why can't she have fun while doing it?

And truthfully, I couldn't find a single valid reason why should I keep carrying the guilt and the grief on my shoulders.

Not one.

So I allowed myself to go back to my roots and start not only dreaming big but taking the small consistent steps towards getting a better, fitter and more robust BadAss who was having fun.

Only then I was able to become the person and athlete I was always meant to be. And I found a coach who backs me up. Who encourages me to listen to my body.

When I started this self-improvement journey back in 2015, I thought being an athlete was about being mentally and physically strong. To Push-Through-A-Hard-Rock kind of strength. I would prep for each workout like it was the world champs. I would run harder when it hurt, I ran hard intervals my legs would tingle. This ultimately would end up with severe overtraining.

But more on that in another post.

​I didn't even consider emotional strength. How your emotions can either work against you or win with you!

Now I know that optimal health and performance are dependent on all these three: emotional, mental and physical health.

Are you cranky and short-tempered, pessimist or patient, robust, happy, and have the energy to see the world optimistically? Emotions can tell a lot about your health.

Did you know, that motivation is one of the most important indicators of whether or not you are on the verge of overtraining?

A hard lesson about the importance of being honest to myself, and my coach, and listening to my body's signals. Recovering from the overtraining syndrome has been one of those things they cannot teach you at school.

My point is, that you know your body the best. As an athlete, the most important relationship you have is with yourself. If you keep pushing through when you're already stressed, not recovering and your body is constantly in fight mode, you are risking your health. And without health, you have no performance.

As an age-group athlete with other things on our plates than just training, you cannot commit to training like a pro athlete. And that is cool. With my new coach, we use his coaching platform, Athletica, and it has revolutionized my training. I am adopting and levelling up while I am in tune with my emotions, and mental and physical health. It is sometimes a very thin line between a positive "hard training block" and overdoing it, but I think I am managing it well now.

I feel like I am on the right path, closing the circle of my childhood dreams. Twenty years ago, I did go to the Olympics in Salt Lake, Utah, but as a spectator. I watched my friends compete from the sidelines with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart.

This coming October, I am heading back to Utah. Only this time I will be competing in the World Championships in 70.3 Ironman. It feels like a full circle. Like all these tribulations and the long-winded road of life paid off. I get to see how far can I get on the world stage.

You Live Every Day and Die Only Once

I used to have a friend whose email address was "youonlyliveonce". I used to love it until I read: You Live Every Day and Die Only Once. This made much more sense. Live your life every day because you only die once.

To live a good life, you've got to take care of three things: Mental, Emotional and Physical health.

Your life is unique. You are unique. You have other stressors that need to be taken into account. Programming more stress to an already high-stress environment is not doing you any good.

Sometimes having a coach on your side is just about having another pair of eyes, ears and a brain that help you think of solutions on how you can fit a little bit of effective training in your life.

Sometimes an athlete has it nailed down already, running or biking to work, getting kids to ride their bikes alongside you while you run, or doing family workouts. That is amazing! My role then becomes to make sure you are getting an effective training program that maximizes those training sessions through a lens of your favourite event's requirements.

I've heard from other coaches some demeaning comments like "unfortunately you are not a pro athlete" or "you haven't strung one solid week of training as planned"... IF you hear these comments, mark them as warning signs that you have a rigid coach who has not bothered to understand your life and is trying to get you to fit his/her cookie-cutter program into your life.

This will rarely lead to consistent training but rather can lead to injuries, illness and overtraining.

A great training program needs to fit into your life, not the other way around. Because you are unique, and only die once.

My coaching philosophy

As a professional coach with MSc in Sports Science from a world-leading university, I coach and create individualized endurance and fitness coaching programs for everyday athletes, who have busy lives with work, family, and sports. My latest "brainchild" is a coaching program for moms who are tired of being sick and tired and are ready to learn how to put their health and fitness back on the driver's seat, "Elevate Your Fitness Reset". It is a combination of fitness training with social learning and group coaching online. You can check it out here.

Much of the philosophy behind my coaching is formed by experience from being an athlete, student of the sport and having coached athletes in various sports.

My greatest lessons in how to fit regular consistent exercise and self-care have become from my own experiences in my life around the world, being an athlete and a mother without the “village” helping with my children.

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. David Viscott

I like to geek out on sports science, but the truth is, sometimes whatever works in a lab setting, doesn't work out in the real world. I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by world-class facilities, research and support personnel in Norway where I studied both for BSc and MSc. One of my supervisors always asked: "Yes, but does it work?" to all my ideas. It prompted me to try to look at ideas through a different lens. A pragmatic, practical lens.

I was surrounded by both researchers, athletes and coaches. The goal of the research was to be able to explain it to the coaches in their language and whatever we found in our research, the aim was to be able to bring it directly to benefit the coaches and athletes.

I felt like I thrived in this unique environment and it was really hard to leave the environment tugged by the beautiful forests north of Oslo.

To this day, when I read literature, I always keep this question in the forefront: "Yes, but does it work?" and "Yes, but does it work for X or Y?" What practical evidence do I have that this could work?

When I have a coaching call with a female executive with young children who wants to get in shape for their vacation in 6 months, I can't pull out the same program as the male business owner who has time to spend in his fitness training for a marathon. Although both of them can experience high stress at work, it is a fact that the mom is met with an additional workload at home and late-night business meetings on zoom and kids who wake up in the middle of the night, and I haven't even mentioned lunch packs, tidying up the house, supper, clean up and laundry.

While the business owner can take time off, the pressure of being a business owner is always there, even on vacation. There are fifteen hundred things to do and only one person to do it. We also like to do other things like playing golf with friends, business partners and possible clients. How do we do it all without feeling guilty for taking time off, or for not going for a run?

It is a deck that has many, many cards.

Although the social constructs have changed, especially in the Nordic countries where women predominantly are fully in the workforce with young children, we still carry most of the household and child-caring work. How do we make self-care happen in our everyday life?

I believe that the most important coaching tool I have is to listen and truly understand the individual athlete's life, challenges, and opportunities. I don't really think I have a set philosophy, other than to care for the person in front of me. To listen and get to know the person.

Yes, it may take more time than putting every athlete on the same training plan, and it takes effort to understand what is going on in each athlete's life, but that's how I want to do things. Each one of my athletes means a lot to me. Their health, both physical and mental health is as important to me as their training. And sometimes it is best to not be on a structured program.

Unfortunately for you, athletes, a good coach cost a little bit more than a cookie-cutter coach. But it is so much worth it, even though I say so myself. If a coach has 30 athletes in his stall, my question is, how well are you keeping track of them and what is going on in their lives? It is possible? Maybe. But personally, I know I could not do it. The quality of each coaching relationship would suffer for sure.

My coaching principles are not from a textbook. How could it be? I do not live a textbook life, and you don't either. I believe 90% of the coaching relationship is based on communication, and the rest is a mix of art & science. When I design your program, I do follow guiding exercise physiology principles, and I believe that the art of coaching lies in the individualization of applying those principles to the individual's level, life situation, and experience.

As my coach Paul Laursen says: Feeling always trumps prescription. You always have to tune into your body's signals and follow your intuition no matter what the training plan says. Of course, you try your best to follow the plan, and at least do the warm-up, but always adjust as you go. Are you super fatigued? Drop the VO2 max intervals. Are you feeling really good? Do an extra set!

Feeling trumps prescription. Prof. Paul Laursen

When it comes to formal education, I never stop educating myself. I am always reading and learning. I had the pleasure of studying under leading exercise physiologists and biomechanics during my studies at the Norwegian School of Sport Science and the University of Calgary and the University of Alberta and was awarded MSc in Sports Sciences. Since my graduation in 2009, I have gained NASM Personal Trainer certification, Triathlon Canada Community Trained certification, specialized in Sports Nutrition and gained Women's Coaching Certification by Girls Gone Strong.

I am always reading and learning from experts in their fields on the podcast, but I always keep my supervisor Per's question in mind: "Yeah, but does it work?".

When it comes to training women vs. men, I believe that our unique hormones but more so, our unique life load, we do need to be a little more mindful about training. We as women and moms have life demands that men just don't have. Adding more stress can push us over our limits, leading to illness, burnout, overtraining or depression.

However, I don't believe you should follow a certain plan just because you are a woman. An individualized plan is always better than a generic plan, and that's where a good coach comes in handy.

Seriously, you can do well on any random plan from the web. Really, you can get fitter with ANY PLAN. But a random plan often doesn't always fit YOUR LIFE.

Having a coach who can design a plan, and help you adjust the plan so it lives with your life is key to being able to consistently work on your fitness.

Your training plan should not be a plan written in stone. You don't train for the plan, you train for yourself. This is where having an open communication channel is super important.

In addition, I believe that strength training is hugely important to an endurance athlete. Each one of my athletes will receive strength training programs individualized for their sport, level, equipment, and goals. Strength training is one of the areas you can truly maximize your true potential.

I understand that not everyone can afford one-on-one online coaching, therefore I have carefully designed several running, triathlon, nordic skiing and strength programs that you can purchase through my website. You can also request an endurance, or strength training plan designed for you. Just shoot me an email or book a consultation.

Lastly, a shameless plug for my coaching services

If you are looking to tap into your true potential, inquire now about an available coaching spot.

Oh, and I only coach a handful of athletes at a time to ensure each one of you will get the attention you deserve!

​​If you are looking for coaching support to get you from where you are now to where you want to be or want to create a life where you are growing and blooming into the best version you can be, in sports and life, you want to have someone like me on your corner. With me as your coach, you’ll get practical tips, and key strategies to help you get where you are now, to where you want to be.

Check out all the programs and services in our shop. More to come and if you like my style of coaching and you can't what you are looking for, just send me an email.

I always enjoy a good chat, so don't be a stranger.

Email: caochmj@besisufit.com

Marjaana

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